Wednesday, May 13, 2009


I never EVER thought I would be like "those" women who whip out their boobs in public and feed their child. I thought as a childless judger, they had bad timing. They were clearly not in touch with their childs feeding schedule and then would just selfishly think it's their right to just expose themselves and make the world look at busting milk bag.
Really, boobs are not at there prettiest when they are mad with milk.
They're monsters really.
I'm surprised my newborn girls weren't terrified by the swollen eggplant coming at their face.
Really nobody wants a woman to take it out and feed her one month old baby because it's not a pretty Pamela Anderson porn boob. It's less Playboy...more National Geographic. It's a monster boob with a nipple the size of a dinner plate and as brown as a well done steak.
I also was not gonna breast feed for a long time.
Maybe one year. Tops.
I'm a not tit witch.
Get the job done, do your duty, then feed them a sandwich.
Well the first one I breast fed for 18 months and she bit me twice. The first time I screamed. The second time she was done.
I'm still breast feeding my second one. She's 2 years and four months.
I know!
She loves the boob. I mean she LOVES the boob and I'm too tired to ween her. She loves the boob so much I was sleeping with my back to her and in the middle of the night I heard "boobie...boobie". My shirt was up and I 've got this mole on my back...
Yes that's right. She tried to latch on to my mole. Suddenly I was a thrity-eight year old woman with a back nipple. That's how much she loves the boob.
And you know what? I let her. I was so tired I let my child latch onto my back mole nipple. I thought this might work. I could give the ones in the front a break.

Oh and I feed her public.
And I love the looks of distain from the twenty-year-old high heeled childless judgers.
They'll get their turn.


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