Monday, August 24, 2009

Ignorance is bliss. And so is a good nap.

You know, ten years ago I was convinced I had special powers.

I had this gift around kids. I could easily attract the attention of children. Just with a glance. New born babies would look at me and smile. Children would come up to me and strike up a conversation without any fear or shyness. I honestly thought I was "chosen to have children". I loved kids. I taught kids dance when I was growing up. They adored me for that one hour class and hung off my every word. The parents and children showered me with complements and gifts, telling me I was soooooo special. I knew I would be the best mother and that motherhood would be a breeze for me because of my incredible connection with every child I met.

In my twenties I swore I would never end up like those so called "mothers" on the streetcar
who looked liked they hadn't showered and were giving their sweet precocious children an over the top reaming out for not sitting on their butts. (I mean really pick your battles lady. You wanted kids not china dolls).

I remember always asking my girlfriend, when she was going to stop letting her kid sleep with her and her husband, and when she was planning to stop breast feeding him. He was two for crying out loud! GROSS!

I talked to all my other twenty-something friends about this behavior and we all agreed the kid was doomed to be a total tit loving momma's boy. He'd never have a chance. She’d ruined that little boy and never ever would I do any of that crap. It's so damaging.

So it's no surprise that with all it's infinite knowing, the almighty Universe said "I'm gonna bitch slap some reality into this cocky child know-it-all."

I quickly realized I had no natural instincts with a child. None. Let alone a newborn.

Those kids I thought I had a connection with were
probably shocked by my over-sized features. I was like a circus freak they couldn't stop looking at. Oh and that cruel un-showered mother on the streetcar? I make her look like Mother Theresa cuddling a dozen 6 week old puppies in one arm while blessing orphanage with the other.

Lastly, I sleep with my daughter in her bed while my husband sleeps with the other one in our bed. Every night. And you know why? WE ALL SLEEP!

AND I'm STILL breastfeeding a two year and eight month old child.

I am living proof that if you judge you will be schooled.

So learn from my pain and keep your negative thoughts to yourself and your mouth shut.

Or there will be a shit storm.