I did my nails !!!

Well, well, well. My oldest kid is at school all day and the younger one is on my ipad, so I was able to do my nails and add a double top coat!!!! What??? I have waited 9 and 1/2 years to do it! Tomorrow I do stand up and I wanted fun fingers. I hope my jokes are fun too. I did the silver stickers by Sally Hansen and they were 50% off the original price. Win win.

Restart!

Okay soooo it's been a year and a half. I didn't follow through with the trainer. I did however discover mom dancing. Zumba. Love it. I also started hosting and producing a monthly mom and dad stand up show at a Lazy Daisy's Cafe 1515 Gerrard St. E and Smock Cafe 287 Roncessvalles. Check out Motherloadtv.com for the Facebook updates and funny random things. I promise to keep up the blogs I promise. I won't let the 3 of you down. Xo

Suck It In

So I'm going to do it! I'm meeting with a fitness trainer on Friday and she's going to measure me and give me a workout plan. I am a measurement virgin. I mean I've had my measurements taken countless times before, but it’s always been for a theatrical wardrobe fitting, never at a gym by someone who's hoping the numbers are big so they’ll have a case study.
I'm also thinking maybe I’ll do a before pic. I'd brush my hair for this pic, have some make up on, not look like my world is over... But no bikini! Even if I’m buff and cut six months from now, I’ll have no interest in looking back on a picture of me…now…in a bikini. I'll wear form-fitting clothes and I’ll try and muster up a smile. Thankfully I’m a trained actor so…I think I can do the smile.

I just want to be healthy, not look like I did when I was 18. I want to feel good in my mom skin. I want to get my cholesterol down (it's pretty high). I want to live a long life and not groan and complain when I get out of a chair.

So I meet with my young childless trainer on Friday. In the meantime I've been drinking wine at night and have baked two batches of really yummy chocolate chip cookies before we meet.

Friday, I get serious. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday I'm seriously bad.
E

And...we're off!

First day back to school.
Alarm goes off at 6:30 a.m.
Dozed until 6:50 a.m.
Rolled outta bed and heard "I feel sick".
Didn't buy it until I saw her gray chalk-coloured face.
Well, one more day in p.j's. can't hurt.

Holiday Hangover

If I see another spinach pumpernickel bread bowl I'm gonna vomit (and it's not because I dislike it, it's because I have an addiction to it).

Today is the last day of the holidays and tomorrow we are back into the schedule of life. I'm scared.

It's gonna hurt going back. We haven't been following a schedule for two weeks and we REALLY enjoyed it. No lunches were made, no walks back and forth six times between the school and home. Don’t get me wrong, entertaining the girls for twelve hours a day was a lot of work, but I didn't bath them diligently every other day and they stayed in p.j's until 4p.m. Dance classes and Girl Guides were all done so no hectic driving in rush hour traffic… with the exception of TWO trips to the Eaton Centre just before Christmas because I’m a “masochist shopper”.

The holidays are like not going to the gym for two weeks and eating whatever you want. At first it's awesome and you think you've died and gone to heaven but by the end you feel shaky. Once you go back to the old routine you feel outta shape and sore on day two.

I'm going need a heating pad and a gin and tonic at 4 p.m. tomorrow.

And to all a good nizzzzzzzzz

I Decked The Halls!

This was an interesting Christmas. For the first time in many many years we had some extra spending money for the season. And although we knew that 2010 will be another year of budgeting, we decided to splurge on the kids. Usually in years past we would scrimp and save, hope for a miracle cheque or for money as a gift from family to pay for bills and groceries the week after the big holiday. I would always stress about it, but somehow…someway there were always too many presents under the tree and the girls were thrilled by the littlest gift. "LOOK! I got LIFESAVERS in a box with a maze on it!!!" "Rudolph's REAL!!! He dropped carrots on the way up the chimney. He's REAL, I knew it!!"

Among the gifts this year? I spent double the price on Zu Zu Hamsters for both girls because it was the must-have toy of the season. They didn't know what it was but I prided myself on getting this high demand gift. The older one got a D.S. I now know what that stands for. "Don't Sh#t when you see the price tag.” Games, puzzles, special order dolls…the list goes on. And you know what the girls loved the most? Having hot chocolate with whip cream for a week straight. Opening the Advent Calendar door every day. Going to the mailbox and checking for Christmas cards. And my personal favorite was seeing the joy on their faces when I would sing the entire "Frosty the Snowman" song for the 800th time.

Secretly I had more fun in past years coming up with creative ideas for gifts that cost next to nothing. Maybe this will be the year that I can find the perfect balance between teaching my children…and learning from them.

Happy New Year my friends,
Over spender...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Ignorance is bliss. And so is a good nap.

You know, ten years ago I was convinced I had special powers.

I had this gift around kids. I could easily attract the attention of children. Just with a glance. New born babies would look at me and smile. Children would come up to me and strike up a conversation without any fear or shyness. I honestly thought I was "chosen to have children". I loved kids. I taught kids dance when I was growing up. They adored me for that one hour class and hung off my every word. The parents and children showered me with complements and gifts, telling me I was soooooo special. I knew I would be the best mother and that motherhood would be a breeze for me because of my incredible connection with every child I met.

In my twenties I swore I would never end up like those so called "mothers" on the streetcar who looked liked they hadn't showered and were giving their sweet precocious children an over the top reaming out for not sitting on their butts. (I mean really pick your battles lady. You wanted kids not china dolls).

I remember always asking my girlfriend, when she was going to stop letting her kid sleep with her and her husband, and when she was planning to stop breast feeding him. He was two for crying out loud! GROSS!

I talked to all my other twenty-something friends about this behavior and we all agreed the kid was doomed to be a total tit loving momma's boy. He'd never have a chance. She’d ruined that little boy and never ever would I do any of that crap. It's so damaging.

So it's no surprise that with all it's infinite knowing, the almighty Universe said "I'm gonna bitch slap some reality into this cocky child know-it-all."

I quickly realized I had no natural instincts with a child. None. Let alone a newborn.

Those kids I thought I had a connection with were probably shocked by my over-sized features. I was like a circus freak they couldn't stop looking at. Oh and that cruel un-showered mother on the streetcar? I make her look like Mother Theresa cuddling a dozen 6 week old puppies in one arm while blessing orphanage with the other.

Lastly, I sleep with my daughter in her bed while my husband sleeps with the other one in our bed. Every night. And you know why? WE ALL SLEEP!

AND I'm STILL breastfeeding a two year and eight month old child.

I am living proof that if you judge you will be schooled.
So learn from my pain and keep your negative thoughts to yourself and your mouth shut.

Or there will be a shit storm.

Erinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz